I have to be losing my mind. There is no other option.

My life is literally in shambles. I've actually never been in a worse place in my life. When I had back surgery in 2005, it was better than this - by far. Sure, I have two jobs. Sure, I'll be making between $350-450 a week. Sure, I'll be going to church if I can help it. I've never been in a lower place. Ever. I thought over the course of this week I was fully over Brett. Apparently, as I found out 20 minutes ago, I'm not. I'm still crying over him, still getting depressed about it all.

I wasted a year of my life, and not only that..but I wrecked my future. I'm not in school like I should be. I'm not hanging out with Melissa and Tracy. I'm not living in a dorm room, and I dont have a car, which makes everything so much more unbearable. I can't even get in my car and just drive somewhere to get alone. I can't borrow my mom's car, either - I think my parents would kill me if I were to do that. I just can't believe I let one person completely screw my life over. And I can't believe they have such control over my emotions.

My dad sees a therapist and just talks stuff out once a week or something like that. In January he suggested I do the same. He said it doesn't mean I'm crazy or anything..but at the moment, I certainly feel like it. I think I'm just losing my grip on life..I'm utterly lost. I'm so lost I don't even get it. I just need help.

There have been a few things on my mind the past few days. I'm just now getting around to it, though.

So this whooole thing about me and Christianity is quite complicated - y'all aren't new to this. However...I found a Skillet song that totally fits. "Collide" - one of the first lyrics that stood out was "There's something deep inside/ That keeps my faith alive". YEah, I don't know why I keep turning back and holding on to Christianity because there have been many times where I have been at the point of walking away...and something kept me coming back.

I found the gazebo in Denton. I've driven by hte place a billion times, and never noticed it. It's a place where Mexicans stand and wait for work. And i was stopped at the light by hte gazebo and i sat there thinking about it, and how much life would suck if you were sitting out there, day after day...just waiting for someone to stop and ask them to do a few hours' worth of work. Just waiting on hte mercy of someone. That has to be worrisome.

A week from now (exactly) i'll be in the air on my way to Massachusetts. Can't wait. I'll be visiting Salem and Boston and then going all over Attleboro. I promise i'll have pictures and stuff and i'll add them to myspace.

I'll write some mo' stuff later.

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Today on a website I started talking to some Muslims and I swear, I really like talking to these guys. They openly answer my questions, and explain them fully. I asked them whether they thought it'd be a bad idea to mix prayers from the Qu'ran when praying to God (they knew i'm christian). They said no. And i must say, I agree. There's no reason why I cna't mix prayers - when they are true to the God we serve. I started with this one:

Qu'ran 112:1-4

Say: He is God, the One! God, the eternally Besought of all! He begets not nor was begotten. And there is none comparable to Him.

Isn't that true of our God? Is he not the One? Is there nothing like him? Actually, a scholar on the site I was chatting on makes videos explaining things about Islam and what the Qu'ran says. The main question about the Surrah is "What is the lineage of God?", and the answer is simply "He's God, He is set apart from us". One - meaning unique, one in purest form. This is definition of God. Who and what He is to us.

Check this guy out, i'll link you to his 9 minute discussion on this. It's actually very interesting. Please take a look! And let me know what you think!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2abN6exv8oI